There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
