i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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