i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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