sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
