I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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