My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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