i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm at about main and main street
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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