I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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