I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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