Just cropdusted the office
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
