nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
