Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
