I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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