that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
