I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
