he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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