Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
