i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I touched a dick in church today
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
