I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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