I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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