That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
