Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
