Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
