Already got asked if we're dating
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
