I wish my penis had an off switch
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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