Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
