YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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