Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
