so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
