If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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