don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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