You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
