you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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