Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
