i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize