the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
