Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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