My balls are so social today.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
a search helicopter?!
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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