He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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