Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
