i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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