How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
