You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
