My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
