onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
