I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
