i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
