Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
