my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
