I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
