This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
