I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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